“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
I know this space, this tight space. I am still in this space more often than I care to admit. It felt like a cozy, safe space at one point, but now it often feels claustrophobic.
I long to be in full blossom. I feel the deep, silent urge to be open and free. However, I often find myself held back by “something” now and then. It’s like a hazy, muckiness that I feel I’m wading through. It slows me down; it confuses me. It can make me feel tired and unmotivated.
But it’s interspersed with moments of clarity... beautiful moments, some fleeting, some substantial; moments of open connection to myself, to my soul. In these moments I feel free, liberated from the fears of my mind, liberated from the emotional pain of my past.
But eventually, the mind wants to think and the emotions want to emote and things start to get fuzzy and I close back up. Maybe not quite as tight as before, but closed nonetheless.
This seems to be part of my process. Two steps forward, one step back, as the saying goes. I accept this process. I love myself through this process whether I’m opening or closing, no judgement. It’s all me. It’s all part of my journey.
Is it possible to stay in full blossom? I don’t know. But I know the feeling of open and expansive and it’s the space I want to be in.
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Boundaries. This is a tricky, sticky topic. Often times we are given advice by well-meaning people to put up a boundary to stop someone from hurting you any longer. A boundary shows strength, a boundary shows your self-worth, a boundary teaches people how to treat you respectfully. Is this really what is going on? What is a typical reason the boundary is put in place? Most likely you feel hurt, you feel used, you feel disrespected etc. What if instead of creating a boundary to avoid this pain, you go into the pain and start healing the wound? It seems like the boundary is often times just a way to avoid going into your pain. When you put up a boundary, you are creating a wall and closing yourself off. What boundaries have you created in your relationships? This a really good place to find where you are disconnected from yourself and where you need to start healing. The boundary may absolutely need to be set in place, but you need to use the space you created with the boundary to go into healing. You will find that once the wounds begin to heal and you develop new perspectives and belief systems that the boundaries will no longer need to be in place.